Brooklyn and I

I don't like leaving Manhattan. I only attend services at Pesach, Yom Kippur, and Rosh Hashanah, if then. Our family plot is in Brooklyn. We bury folks over there and that is about the only time I visit. I only wear a kippa at family funerals as almost no congregants at my Reform temple don them on the rare occasions I am there. By way of physical description, I am about five feet eight inches tall and one hundred sixty pounds with brown hair. I was having some skin issues and Ubered across to Crown Heights after my frum aunt told me about her holistic dermatologist who had delivered fantastic results for her large family. I was battling a cyst under my right arm and what I feared might have been a skin cancer in the middle of my upper lip. So the doctor and his nurse practitioner come in with me in my tighty-whities and a paper gown. The doctor tells the nurse to rub some "black salve" over my lip where my worry is and he proceeds to numb my underarm and place a shunt into the cyst to drain it. He tells me to keep my right arm up until he returns in a few moments. Under no circumstances should I lower that arm. I look at myself in the mirror in the room and I look like Hitler doing the Sieg Heil. Right at this moment, the fire alarm starts blaring. A staff member swings the exam room door open and yells, "This is not a drill, you need to come now". So out I run into the middle of Crown Heights in my underpants, a paper gown, sporting a Hitler mustache and doing a Nazi salute, as a multitude of Hasidim gather to watch the fire fighters roaring in on their trucks. I have a tube in my arm, so I can't lower it and I am about a ringer for dead old Adolf with the crud the np smeared on my lip. Suddenly, I notice nobody is looking at the burning building, including FDNY, but thousands of angry eyes are glowering at me. All of a sudden, I hear people cursing me in Yiddish, most of which I don't understand, and some yelling in English, that I understand very clearly, that "the Nazi must have started the fire". I ran cross country back in high school, and I probably set the record for sprinting away with one arm up, still suspended, with G-d-only knows what leaking out of that tube.

Favorite Western Movies

1.The Searchers-John Wayne's best performance 2.Tombstone-if history was not the way it was portrayed in this masterpiece, it should have been 3.Jeremiah Johnson-how one man can triumph against impossible odds